I began drinking beer at the age of 15, graduated to spirits and mixed drinks
in college by the time I was 18, and never thought much about my drinking habits
until I realised at the age of 60 that I was addicted to drinking- not so much addicted
to alcohol as a drug, but addicted to the lifestyle of drinkers- partying, socializing,
just plain old having fun always with a bottle of something alcoholic near at hand.
My mother was a "social" drinker all her life- every photo I have of her, in
which she has either a cigarette or a cocktail in her hands, is a testament to her
addiction to booze and smoking. She was a seriously unhappy and depressed
woman towards the end of her life, and as she slipped into the grips of Alzheimer's
disease, I suspected her addictive habits may been a significant contributing factor.
My father was also a social boozer, always happy with a glass of wine or a
can of beer in his hand. He was a charmer and always the most popular guy at the
party. He had a problem, though- after a few drinks he would always have to be
"right" and if backed into a corner where he could only acknowledge that he might
just be wrong, he would turn a little nasty and start needling his opponent in order
to regain his shrinking self esteem. He was a lovely guy, but he acknowledged to
me in a sober moment that the one thing he most regretted during his lifetime was
the horrible things he had said to my mother when he had been drinking. He said
that if there was one thing he would have done differently if he had the strength
would have been to stop drinking early in his life. He said that drinking was
definitely a contributing factor the breakdown of his marriage.
My parents were divorced after 21 years of marriage. I went through most of
my life thinking that my parents were just normal social drinkers and that alcohol
was as much a thread in the fabric of their lives as we kids were just a distraction
from their busy social schedules. My father drank right up to the last year of his life
and he died at the age of 78. My mother succumbed to Alzheimer's disease at a
somewhat younger age, but the booze had done its damage much earlier in her life
than any of us four siblings realised.
I stopped drinking at the age of 61. I had no idea I would stop and to this day
I can't explain exactly why I stopped, but I did and I have absolutely no desire to
start again. It was like a switch had been flicked on- CLICK! just like that from one
moment to the next. I was done. On reflection, I think that the single most important
factor in breaking the grip of alcohol addiction is the choice of our friends whom we
socialize with.
The answer, for me at least, surfaced in the realization that I was not only a victim
of the marketing finesse of the alcoholic industry , but also a victim of peer pressure
and societal expectations. I realised this almost in a flash of light after an
experience I had with a woman I had met at a social function and was interested in
getting to know better. I arranged to have a dinner date with her a week or so later,
and that night went well enough that she invited my to come to her house, and have
dinner the following weekend.
Acting out of a lifelong habituation, I stopped at the Liquor Store on the way
to her house to buy a bottle of Champagne so we could celebrate our newfound
friendship. When I arrived at her beautiful home, she greeted me at the door but
before asking me to come inside, she looked at the bottle in my hand, and said,
"You know what? We don't need alcohol to have great sex together."
I was taken aback at her comment, but managed to sputter something like,
"Oh, well then, where's the trash bin?" She smiled led me into her kitchen and
pointed to the recycling bin. I stepped up to the kitchen sink, popped the cork on
the bottle and poured it down the drain. Once the last bit of foam dripped out of the
bottle, I dropped the bottle into the bin and looked her square in the eye and said, "
I finally understand why I have been a drinker all my life, and I am no longer one."
She took me into her arms, and kissed me and I have not had another drink
since that night, nor will I ever have one. I instantly realised that I had been hiding
under a cloak all my life and not enjoying my full potential. Drinking would no longer
be a handrail I would have to lean on to enjoy my life to the fullest.
It has been well over 3 years now that I had my last drink, or used any drug for that
matter, and I have never felt clearer or better in my life. I realize now how all of the
most stupid things I have done, all of the most hurtful comments I have made, and
all of the most unattractive women I have been intimate with have all occurred as a
result of drinking too much or too long. I will be the first person in my immediate
family to completely and permanently give up drinking, and I hope that others will
have the same blinding realization one day that I had when I finally understood the
negative influence alcohol has had on my life and on those loved ones who I care
for deeply.
If I could do it all over again, I would have given up the grog much earlier in
life and I expect it would have had a long and lasting beneficial effect on those
closest to me. Giving up drinking can be challenging and may require a
rearrangement of certain aspects of one’s life such as how one relates to friends,
but the benefits are immense, especially for those whom you are closest to and
care for the most.
